Fostering Independence in Your Toddler

Independence grows out of dependence.  Humans are not born ready to run with the herd within minutes of birth.  We are members of the order primates, which have slower rates of development than most other mammals.  As primates, human babies rely on their parents, siblings or other caregiver for feedings, transportation, and security.

According to William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., authors of The Baby Book, studies have shown that the most securely attached infants actually showed less anxiety when separated from their mothers to explore toys in the same room. When going from oneness to separateness, the securely attached baby establishes a balance. This balance is between a desire to explore and a continued need for the feeling of security provided by a trusted caregiver.

Once toddlers become mobile, the world is theirs to explore.  Most likely, "No!" will become a big part of their vocabulary. Experts say that instead of viewing this as disobedience; consider this as another independence milestone to be celebrated. Saying "no" signals that toddlers are beginning to understand they are individuals with their own wants and ideas.

How Can Parents Help Foster a Toddler’s Growing Independence?
A parent’s job is to find a balance between a toddler’s growing need to explore and a need to keep your child safe, and possibly maintain some order. If you have not already done so, spend some time getting your home toddler-ready (remove breakables, cover electrical outlets, etc.). An explorer in the house can be messy. Try to reconcile yourself to the fact that your home will most likely not wind up on the cover of House Beautiful during these years!

Experts say that when it involves toddlers, cooperation is key. It is normal for toddlers to want to try what mommy, daddy or older siblings are doing. Offer choices within reason. “Would you like eggs or cereal for breakfast?”  "Do you want to wear the blue or the green shirt?” Having opportunities to make choices help children gain independence and confidence. Giving children choices is a useful positive parenting tool for avoiding behavior problems as well. It is respectful to your child too. It recognizes a growing capability and the right of children to have at least some control in their own lives. Choices also help a child learn to make decisions and express preferences.

Parents can also assign child-sized chores to their toddler, such as helping sort and fold clean laundry or sweeping the floor with a dustpan and broom.  Remember to build time into your day to let your children discover. Toddlers learn so much more when walking through the park instead of being confined to a stroller.

Remember that balance a parent needs to keep? Know when to step in and lend a helping hand.  A toddler’s independence will ebb and flow, especially during times of change, such as during an illness or a new baby is welcomed into the family. When they ask, be prepared to help. Knowing that they can return to you for comfort as well as help, even with an undertaking that they have already mastered, will build more confidence and encourage children to take their next independent steps onward. For every two steps forward, it is normal to take a step back.

During the first year of life, a baby’s needs and wants are the same thing. Meeting your baby’s needs is the best way to help him/her feel safe and secure. Current research shows that being held “too” much cannot spoil babies; rather, children who have a strong attachment to a trusted caregiver are secure and learn early that they can count on mommy, daddy and others for help and comfort. They know that home is a secure place, and are more willing to venture out and explore later on in life.

Trips for Traveling with Young Children

Go to the airport before your trip with your toddler who has never been on a plane. Watch the planes take off, land and taxi.  Watch people queuing up for security. Explain that this is what you will be doing. Let your toddler get excited.
Let your child help pack his/her own suitcase. Talk about what types of clothes that will be needed—for cold weather or warm, etc.
Let children pull their own carry-on bag. It gives you a separate space to pack your child's change of clothes, snacks, books and toys. The responsibility of carrying or pulling a bag gives your child focus and a sense of importance.
Run them through the airport. Make good use of the time leading up to boarding by helping your child to burn off excess energy, which is endless in toddlers!

• Use the advance online check-in option to print boarding passes and check seats. This can be done 24 hours in advance of the flight. Have any flight notifications, such as delays, sent to your mobile phone.
• Use curbside check-in to unload heavy bags before entering the airport (remember to tip the skycap).
• Do not check your stroller. Airports are always bigger than you think. Gate check your stroller when you are boarding the plane. Umbrella strollers are easier to navigate and stow away.  “Wearing” your baby in a sling or other carrier will also be easier and less cumbersome then hauling the “plastic baby buckets” through the airport and onto the plane.
• Avoid prime time flights. Try the middle of the week and middle of the morning flights when the plane might not be full.
• Do not take the last flight of the day. Bad weather can cause cancellations and a night at the airport with the kids. Still, I have booked late flights, with the knowledge that the kids would sleep most, if not all of the flight.
• If traveling by yourself and need to catch a connecting flight in a terminal on the far side of the airport, request help in advanced (the golf cart shuttles).
• Most major airports have websites where you can get information in advanced about layouts and services. Try to avoid going through “difficult” airports, such as Los Angeles, Ca. and Newark, N.J.
• If traveling to the east coast, I prefer to have a layover on the west coast, and vice versa. Just long enough to stretch, get a bite to eat, and burn off more of that toddler energy.

Author:  formomandkeiki.com

Why Breastfeed?

“Born into a world teeming with germs and infections, a newborn’s strongest defense comes from colostrum, the substance produced in the first few days after birth, which provides the baby’s first immunization.”  (UNICEF, 1992)

• A nursing baby takes in 100 million live cells per day.  Many of these cells survive for 48 hours or longer.  (The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning)
• Breastfeeding provides the perfect food for your baby.  Mother’s milk contains all the nutrients in the right amount needed by your baby.
• Breastmilk is specifically designed to accommodate the development of a baby’s brain and nervous system.
• One study, which followed both breastfed and formula-fed babies, showed that by eight years of age, the breastfed babies had an IQ of at least ten points higher than the formula-fed babies.
• Breastfed babies have fewer allergies.
• Breastfed babies have fewer illnesses as human milk contains antibodies that protect your baby.
• Breastfeeding promotes proper tooth, gum, jaw and palate development.
• Breastfed babies thrive on the close body contact.
• Baby has more pleasant smelling stools and less spitting up.
• Breastfeeding is economical.   The money saved breastfeeding your baby for one year will buy a major household appliance.
• Breastfeeding is convenient.  Breastmilk is always ready.  There is nothing to buy, carry, measure or heat.
• Breastfeeding is better for the environment.  For every three million formula-fed babies, 450 million cans of formula are used---resulting in 70,000 tons of un-recycled metal.  (The Politics of Breastfeeding)
• Breastfeeding helps a woman’s uterus return to its non-pregnant state.
• Breastfeeding delays the return of a woman’s menstrual cycle.
• Breastfeeding offers women protection against breast cancer, ovarian cancer and osteoporosis.
• Breastfeeding is enjoyable for mother, baby and father.
• Night feeding can be done in bed with minimal disturbance to mother and father.

Visit http:// www.formomandkeiki.com

If the Flightline is Closed Down, that means We can Cross Over it!

One of my fondest memories of living in Italy, were the twice yearly bazaars on the base. Artisans from all over Europe would come with their beautiful crafts, delicious food and fantastic wines! The last bazaar that the kids and I attended was not a disappointment. The kids roamed freely enjoying everything just as much as I did. Rose even got the handcrafted German wooden sword that she had been dreaming of with every bazaar.  Now 14, Rose has quite the collection ranging from Nerf guns and light sabers, to hand crafted swords, to include the most coveted sword of Inuasha!

The girls and I were ready to go home. My son, Alex was going to stay and hang out with his friend, Alex and maybe go to the movies. The other Alex's family would bring my Alex home. Not long after the girls and I arrived home ( it was a Sunday), I received a phone call from the Base Security Police. Apparently Alex and Alex were picked up after they crossed the flightline. The flightline encompasses the military "airport," to include the various hangers, runways, etc. Twice a year on the weekend, the flightline is closed down as this is where the bazaars are held. Obviously, planes cannot be landing and taking off and taxing when there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of people milling around from hanger to hanger, so what is the problem then with taking a stroll through it?

Apparently Alex and Alex decided to cut across the flightline on their way to the movies. This made sense to me as if they cut across the flightline, they saved on a lot of walking! When the SP told me why the boys were picked-up, in all honesty, I did not think it was a big deal. I am sure you have an idea where this is going if you have read my other posts. I ask you, why would this be a problem if the flightline is closed in the first place?! I asked the SP if it would be okay to release my Alex to the dad of the other Alex. He thought this would be a good idea and laughed at how the boys were going to get theirs as Alex's dad was a First Seargent. Seriously, I thought to myself, not really, but if you feel better thinking this, go ahead.

I need to explain now exactly what happened when the boys crossed the flightline. Now, in their mind, it was okay to do so...after all, the flightline was closed down and quite a few of their friends had taken a stroll through it during the weekend as well without incident. Once they got to the other side of the flightline, they were met by the Carabinieri.  The other Alex spoke Italian well, so he conversed with them. Basically, the boys were told not to cross the flightline again, and they were sent on their way. Unfortunately, it does not end here...it never does. As the boys got farther along on their journey, out of no where comes at least three security police vehicles, which proceed to  surround them. Frankly, the boys were lucky that they were not thrown to the ground and cuffed. As it was, they were detained for all to see as the Bazaar was emptying out. Oh yes, the boys were quite the talk of Aviano Middle and High School the next day.

So now, Alex is dropped off at home.  I run out to speak with the other Alex's dad without hubby. I mused that he had enough on his mind (Aviano was and is a high ops tempo base), and really this was no big deal...what the man does not know, will not hurt him, or so I thought!

The next day, the man forwards me an email. The email started with the security police blotter report that ends up on the General's desk. Guess what incident showed up on the blotter? From there, it only gets better as it is forwarded on down the Chain of Command to the MSG Commander then on down to the CE Commander and finally to my husband! In every message going down the line, each typed a little note for my hubby. I know what you are thinking...not good for the hubby (for those who are not familiar with the military, it is a fact of life that anything that the Active Duty Member's family does, especially negative, will reflect on the AD member and normally not in a good way), but thank goodness all of these Commanders knew the man and not only liked him, but also knew what an asset he was to Aviano and the Air Force. Phew! I still have that blasted email sitting in my inbox as a reminder that even the USAF has police blotters!

After almost 6 years since this incident occurred, I believe the man can now chuckle about it.

O Tannenbaum

Last Saturday, we made our trek to get our Christmas Tree. I insist on a "real" tree every year. People may be surprised at this being the tree-hugger that I am, but I am not going into an Old Growth Forrest in the Pacific NorthWest for my tree. It is called a Christmas Tree Farm people! After Christmas, we recycle our trees on our property for mulch. Can't get more tree-hugging than that.

We have been going to Lowe's the past few years as they have nice trees at a nice price. Most of the local sellers ( I would love to support), but I cannot afford $100 for a tree! We zeroed in on the 6-7 foot Douglas Fir section. After a bit a looking, here was this magnificent tree! It was huge! I mean ginormous! No way was this tree 6-7 feet, and it was so full! I asked my oldest to look at the sign for the section for the price...$24.97. Okay, this tree must have been put in the wrong section. What does the tag say? "Douglas Fir, 6-7 ft." Okay, someone obviously put the wrong tag on this tree. Hmmm...a bit of a conundrum. Here is the conversation going on in my head at that moment: "God, am I committing a sin purchasing this tree knowing it was obviously tagged incorrectly. Should I say something? If I don't and purchase the tree, would this be a venial or mortal sin?"

I like to think God answered me with the gentleman who came to our rescue. "Wow, what a beautiful tree! It is heavy! Let me help you get it on the cart. Are your ceilings high enough to fit this tree?" Okay, we are getting the tree! "Yes, we have vaulted ceilings." We go through the check-out....$24.97. No one said anything about it being a mistake. Prayers answered.

Now as we are getting the tree base cut, my hubby asks if I remembered to ask for the military discount? Are you kidding, do you know how much this tree cost? I would really be committing a sin if I  asked for the discount! Besides, I never feel comfortable asking for it. It is my husband who wears the uniform, not me (although he always says, we deserve it for all our sacrifices as a family). He was not going to let me get away without the discount. I go up to the cash register again and very sheepishly ask ( those of you who know me, the Jersey attitude only kicks in after crossing over the Jersey border--outside of the Garden State, although I am not Hawaiian by blood, I am in spirit as Ona always told me)....."Can I get a military discount on this, or is it too late?" The cashier said I needed to go to customer service. Well, that was just too much work for something I did not want to do in the first place. Besides, hubby was distracted with getting the tree tied to the van. Thank goodness he did not ask me about it.

We have a large tree stand, but I was wondering if it was large enough. I asked hubby. He said he thought it would be fine, but after this year, we would probably need a new one. This stand has held many trees, and due to all the rust, one needed a screw driver as leverage to loosen and tighten all the screws that steady the tree.

Here we go. We get it into the house. Yup, the base is too large for the stand. Not to worry as I am married to an USAF CE Dirt Boyz. Off to the shed. He returns with a saw and an ax. Is this overkill or what? Now, he proceeds to saw and hack away at the base of the tree on my freshly shampooed for the holidays carpet. I watched in horror as wood chips, needles and sap were flying everywhere. What could I say? The man was determined to make this tree fit into our stand (not to mention, he put the lights up on the house, the bushes in the front and my favorite Christmas Tree in the back yard with nary a nag out of me).

How does one get a 12 foot tree in a stand without a crane? Trust me, if this man had access to one, he would use it! We put the stand on the tree while the tree was laying down. Then lifted it up. Not bad. Hubby and one of the girls started tightening the screws. After much supervising on my part as to which way the tree needed to be adjusted in order to be straight, I was satisfied. Let go of the tree. And the tree falls down. Thankfully not into the fireplace, or the mantle with the Murano glass, Polish pottery or the Sandra Beorchia painting (my favorite) over the fireplace.

Each time hubby said he got it, and each time my daughter let go of the tree, the tree fell over. Finally, I said, "Why don't I go out and buy a new and bigger stand?" Hubby thought that was a good idea; however, being a Dirt Boy, he was not about to give up. He was going to make the tree fit in the stand, and the stand was going to balance the weight of the 12 ft tree! One more time, hubby says, "I got it now!"  And voila! He actually "made it happen!" Was there ever a doubt?

For good measure, I put 10 pounds of free weights on both of the front legs of the tree stand!

Backpacks and Opels

Anyone who has been to Italy or Europe knows that the streets are quite small. It always amazed me to see Americans bringing their huge SUVs to Aviano. Of course, my husband was one of them. He insisted on having our van with us. I refused to drive it. Some streets barely had enough room for two Fiat Cinque-Cento (500) to pass each other. If you were in an American vehicle on one of these roads, someone would have to back up to a wider section.

I left the van to my husband, after all, the man used to drive heavy equipment. I settled on a British car, an Opel. A little two door that barely fit the four kids and I at the time. Let me tell you, this car was great for zooming around Italian streets and parking as well. Driving on the Autostrada was another story. By the time my car reached 100 KPH (62 MPH), the engine sounded like it was being powered by  a bunch of gerbils running on a wheel inside. Oh, how I loved that car. Talk about fuel efficient! Unfortunately, in order to bring it back to the U.S., it would have had to been at least 25 years old, or brought up to American specifications--safety standards. This would be quite expensive. I did not worry about driving my Opel around Italy, but definitely would be fearful in the U.S. It would not fare well in an accident with a car on an American road.

So where does the backpack fit into this story? Well, you would think that I would learn from previous mistakes. That entire issue of shipping ArmorAll in the mail for instance! Aviano AB is split up into sections. You can get from one area to another via the base shuttle. One area has the Department of Defense School for the American children. When school was out for the day, my kids would eventually hop on the shuttle to go to the main base where the exchange was located and where I would pick them up to go home. On this particular day, we were all meeting up with my husband. I was on my way into the exchange when my oldest found me. She did not want to carry her backpack around, and I did not want to go back to the car to open it. Why did I not just give her the key? I will never know. I told her to just put her backpack under the car! Are you seeing the pattern? Not to mention the stupidity here! Put a backpack under a car in a parking lot on a military base in another country! Yes, I was not thinking, nor did I learn anything from our previous adventure.

Next thing I know, they are calling my husband's name over the  system in the exchange. I looked at my husband. Did they just call your name? Oh, and is that a bunch of Security Police running out into the parking lot?! Insert expletive here! Light bulb goes off, and I knew exactly what was going on.  Someone had reported a suspicious backpack under a car in the exchange parking lot. Hubby and I rushed out to my car to find it surrounded by Security Police and my poor daughter getting a very firm lecture. Apparently, she had gone back to the car again.  Then the SP's turn their attention to my husband, explaining the situation. I then blurted out it was my fault, I was not thinking, and I told my daughter to put her backpack under the car. Husband's jaw drops to the asphalt looking at me with that "I cannot believe this is happening again face--mixed with that can't we ever have a low profile at a base and stay off the police blotter?!"

Poor man. Cannot help but feel sorry for him as this was the first of our many public adventures in Aviano!

Italy is for Families!

Not a day goes by that I do not miss living in Italy. What's not to miss?! Great people, great food, fantastic coffee and wine! Beautiful countryside, cities, art and architecture. Italy is also a great place to live or visit with kids! Italians are family oriented, and this is reflected in everyday life. My morning ramblings will reflect this life often. Lucky you! Gorgazzo is one of my favorite places in Italy. It is a beautiful little town and has one of my favorite restaurants in all of Italy. The following is an article that I originally wrote for Italian Visits, with some changes as I ramble this morning.

Gorgazzo is a must see stop in the Friuli-Venezia-Giulia region of Italy.  This charming hamlet makes for a quiet and peaceful sojourn along one’s travels of Northern Italy. Not difficult to find, it is located just off the pedemontana, or “mountain highway” as the Americans living in the area refer to it.  This hamlet is famous for its springs, one of the sources of the Livenza River that flows through Friuli and Veneto eventually emptying into the Adriatic Sea. 

The springs of Gorgazzo are a site to behold.  They have been called, “delizia e tormento di moti pittori,” as they are both a delight and a torment to paint because of their ever-changing colors from the rays of the sun. Italian geographer, Giovanni Marinelli (1846-1900), must have been awe inspired by the beauty of the springs as he penned these poetic words while studying the Gorgazzo. 

“Take the emerald color, the turquoise and the beryl ones, put them into a sea of lapis-lazuli, so that everything mixes and at the same time each of them keeps its own originality and you have that one piece of liquid sky that is called Gorgazzo.”

                                                                                

Geologically speaking, water erosion and tectonic discontinuity created the hollow (el buso) of the springs.  The surface pond was created from the collapse of a vault under the thrust of water.  Although there are many hypotheses, the exact source of the Gorgazzo still remains a mystery. 

Not far beneath the surface is the opening to a cave.  Divers have traveled as far as 131 meters along this very narrow and curvy tunnel, and they still have yet to reach the end.  Unfortunately, some of these underwater explorations have proved fatal, and so this cave has been closed to diving since 1999.  Today, approximately seventeen meters under the surface at the opening of the cave is a guardian, a statue of the Christ.  At Christmas, the Christ is alighted, and there is a beautiful mass with divers. 

There are stairs leading down to the springs at various points along the stream.  Visitors will surely enjoy removing their shoes as they descend the steps to dip their feet in the cool water on a hot day.  For those couples wishing to experience the romance that is Italy, it is a pleasant feeling to have your feet washed by the one you love in the springs of the Gorgazzo. 

For visitors traveling around Italy with kids, this is a place for families.  Children will enjoy feeding the fish and the ducks that swim in the “cielo liquido.” 

The restaurants here offer delicious, yet affordable meals, and they have a play area for young children as well.  This added benefit allows time for mom and dad to reconnect over a delicious meal that can be leisurely enjoyed while their children are happily playing.  In the evenings, travelers will enjoy sipping their glasses of wine while listening to the music of a live band.

Couples and families alike will enjoy taking a stroll through the hamlet that is Gorgazzo.